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Post by Free Weyinmi on May 31, 2019 21:23:13 GMT -5
Introvert=a mental health issue. Does not compute Will Robinson. Yeah, that requires some clarification from Ms. Hax. In reading the original text on the ProJo site, she might actually be saying that the person posing the question -- " Trying to be Grateful" -- needs to take care of her mental health, versus implying that introversion itself is a mental health issue: "Gratitude is nice and all, but it sounds like what you really need is some alone time. A chunk of it, built into your schedule, accounted for with child care and without apology. Especially (but not only) if you’re an introvert, this is a mental health issue, not an oh-poor-me issue." www.providencejournal.com/entertainmentlife/20190530/carolyn-hax-mother-needs-break-from-demands-of-lifeThe writing and punctuation is a bit weak, leaving room for ambiguity.
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Post by dex on Jun 1, 2019 8:48:18 GMT -5
Memories of assault are triggered CAROLYN HAX
Dear Carolyn,
With all the talk of sexual assault in the news [this year], I am having a lot of trouble. In addition to reliving my own assault, several childhood friends have disclosed their own assaults on Facebook. I want to be there for them — and everyone who is coming out with their stories now — but I am overwhelmed with sadness, rage and frustration.
I am going to see a counselor for the first time in many years, but I think I need to take a break from both the news and social media. The issues are: 1. How do I explain why I am taking a break without telling my own story? My family doesn’t know and I’m not ready to open that can of worms. 2. I feel guilty that I am not being there for the women I love who ARE brave enough to come forward.
Am I being a good steward of my mental health or just copping out?
— Triggered By the News
Give yourself what you need. Don’t explain or apologize or beat yourself up.
And, for what it’s worth: These people “who ARE brave enough to come forward” need breaks themselves, for one — everyone does. And they chose their moments when they were ready, which is your right as well, just as it’s everyone’s right not to come forward if they never feel ready.
I hope you’ll internalize this in place of your current sense of obligation: When you’ve been through hell, it’s OK to say a silent “thank you” to all the people who are doing the brave work of coming forward. They’re doing it for you, too.
— Write to Carolyn Hax in care of The Providence Journal Features Department, 75 Fountain St., Providence, RI 02902, or email tellme@ washpost.com .
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Post by dex on Jun 3, 2019 7:43:17 GMT -5
Simple backyard wedding’ is a fairytale
CAROLYN HAX
Dear Carolyn,
My fiance and I want a small, backyard wedding with about 75 guests. My grandmother has a huge yard that would be perfect for our upcoming wedding. I asked her if we could get married there and she said yes, so I was very excited to start planning.
My sister told me our grandmother isn’t well enough physically to get her house ready to host an event like this, so our mother will be doing most of the work. I told her it was an outdoor wedding, all we have to do is get some chairs and everything will work out. My sister started telling me I have to plan for parking, bathrooms, permits, chairs, a tent for bad weather, alerting the neighbors, hiring a lawn company to fix up our grandmother’s lawn.
I just wanted a simple backyard wedding, now it feels really complicated. I am upset with my mother and sister for inserting themselves into something that ought to be between me and my grandma.
— Bride
They’re absolutely right. People do need to park, sit, go to the bathroom, stay out of any rain that decides to fall. Neighbors do need to be notified.
And, 75 people will trash the lawn, which will need to be repaired.
— Write to Carolyn Hax in care of The Providence Journal Features Department, 75 Fountain St., Providence, RI 02902, or email tellme@ washpost.com .
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pcdad
Friar Fanatic
Posts: 3,712
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Post by pcdad on Jun 3, 2019 13:22:33 GMT -5
That Carolyn Hax is one wise woman.
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friar82
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Post by friar82 on Jun 4, 2019 18:01:12 GMT -5
Thought for Today:
"...Never lie in bed at night asking yourself questions you can't answer.”
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Post by dex on Jun 5, 2019 8:28:14 GMT -5
Should she report brother-in-law? AMY DICKINSON
Picture Dear Amy,
A year ago my husband and I went to visit his relatives. Toward the end of our visit, my brother-in-law showed us some pictures of us on his iPad.
In that moment, we saw some other pictures — we both briefly saw pictures of nude young girls before the iPad was back in his brother’s hands.
Amy, I chose to not report this as we didn’t know for sure what we saw. But here we are a year later and the whole thing still doesn’t sit well with me. When I bring it up, my husband says we should have reported it when we first saw it.
I’m torn. Should I leave it alone?
— Upset SIL
You and your husband don’t actually seem to doubt what you saw. You only seem to wonder what you should have done about it.
Yes, you should have reacted — either in the moment, or certainly after. But when things happen suddenly or fleetingly, it is understandable to not know what to do. But it’s been a year now. Your gut is telling you that something is not right. It is your duty to act.
You and your husband should talk to his brother, together. If your husband refuses, do this on your own.
If he denies what you saw, you will have to decide what to do next. There is no innocent reason for a man to possess nude photos of girls.
— Write to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068, or email askamy@ amydickinson.com.
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Post by dex on Jun 7, 2019 7:48:34 GMT -5
Husband shows lack of interest in sex CAROLYN HAX
Dear Carolyn,
My husband and I have been married 10 years.
Before we married, we did not have sex, but he was very interested in fooling around. Since then, he has shown a lack of interest in sex. If I initiated it, he was all in, but after a couple of years I realized it was always me.
We talked about it, and he gave a litany of excuses.
I told him I felt so neglected I was certain I would not be able to resist if someone else showed interest. He initiated ONCE since that conversation.
He clearly loves me. I am sure he isn’t having an affair, and he seems to enjoy sex on the rare occasion that it happens. But I feel ugly, unwanted and alone.
I don’t want to leave him. But I just feel so worthless.
— Unwanted Wife
You have to make a choice: Stay, with this ugly feeling; or go, with no certainties about what comes next.
Leaving comes with the certainty your life will be different from this. Different from life as a hostage to one person’s opinion.
He is not the only person, and his is not the only opinion.
— Write to Carolyn Hax in care of The Providence Journal Features Department, 75 Fountain St., Providence, RI 02902, or email tellme@ washpost.com .
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pcdad
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Posts: 3,712
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Post by pcdad on Jun 7, 2019 12:59:22 GMT -5
oh my...
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friar82
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Post by friar82 on Jun 7, 2019 17:01:20 GMT -5
pcdad -
We may have lost Dex...
One evening at the Showcase Cinema eating lobster cocktails and caviar while drinking champagne with the illuminati... Lord knows what else he might have been introduced to by the Hollywood elite. Let's hope that his moral compass and integrity as an OT contributor hasn't been lost during an evening of debarchery!
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Post by dex on Jun 10, 2019 7:00:05 GMT -5
Boyfriend vacations with his ex CAROLYN HAX
Dear Carolyn,
My boyfriend of a few months seems to like going on vacations with his ex and their teenage son. It really bothers me. The first time he justified it by saying it was booked before they split up and the son really wanted both to go. He said it wasn’t going to happen again. Now he’s talking about a vacation he says his ex and son want to take together because he thinks it’s a good idea for his son. Complicating all this is that he still hasn’t filed for divorce nor has he told his son they’re getting a divorce (he thinks it’s a separation).
Do I cut ties, or do I learn to live with something I feel isn’t right for me?
— Really Bothered
Tell this man you care for him and hope to be with him someday, but cannot while so much unfinished business remains from his marriage. When he’s divorced, when he’s telling his son the truth, when he’s honest with himself about the dynamic and his struggle with boundaries, when he’s owning his choices instead of hiding behind “a good idea for his son” rationales, when he’s able to be with you in the full light of day, then he should give you a call.
— Write to Carolyn Hax in care of The Providence Journal Features Department, 75 Fountain St., Providence, RI 02902, or email tellme@ washpost.com .
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friar82
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Post by friar82 on Jun 10, 2019 18:57:21 GMT -5
Thoughts for today...
"...Overthinking ruins happiness. Stress steals the moment. Fear spoils the future.”
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Post by dex on Jun 11, 2019 7:38:41 GMT -5
ELATIONSHIP ADVICE Fertility struggles cause questions AMY DICKINSON
Dear Amy,
My husband and I have been together for 10 years (married for three years), and we are each soon to turn 30 years old. My husband has made some choices that more than likely have prevented us from becoming pregnant.
At work and in my personal life, I frequently get asked, “So when are you finally going to have kids?”and, “When are you going to give me some grand babies?”
To be honest, not yet becoming pregnant has been one of the toughest feelings I have ever had to deal with. I want it more than anything.
I don’t want to make conversations awkward or put anyone in their place, but I’m tired of saying generic comments like “We will see” and forcing a smile.
Do you have any advice for me on what I can say?
— Judged and Sad
I suggest that you arm yourself with a no-nonsense but polite answer: “I can tell you’re curious about this, but I don’t want to discuss it. Thank you for understanding.”
You should also arm yourself with accurate medical information, research your options (such as IVF, adoption, or surrogacy), and take a very deep breath and simply try to be patient with yourself and others.
You and your husband should sit down with a therapist. You may need more professional coaching to navigate your personal and family relationships.
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friar82
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Post by friar82 on Jun 11, 2019 14:06:51 GMT -5
In the wake of Kevin Durant's injury and its collateral impact on the Master Plan of NYK, I offer the following Thoughts for Today:
"...God draws a straight line using a crooked pencil"
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Post by dex on Jun 12, 2019 7:43:15 GMT -5
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE Is marriage intervention needed? AMY DICKINSON
Dear Amy,
“Curt” and I have been friends for about 15 years. I admire him as a great volunteer for a group we both belong to. He has a bit of a challenging personality, but he is a nice guy and a good friend.
I recently met his wife for the first time. Once she learned that I knew “Curt,” she wasted no time in launching into a diatribe about him. She cited chapter and verse, with examples, of what a horrible guy he is and how much she hates him.
My dilemma is how to proceed. I almost feel obligated to tell Curt what his wife said so that he can save his marriage if he wants to.
My other option is to leave well enough alone, but that feels like betrayal. What if they do divorce and I could have done something to prevent it? Advice?
— Knows Too Much
“Curt’s” wife should not have launched into a detailed diatribe about his awfulness, and certainly not at your first meeting. But, just as she should not have confided in you, you should not try to help Curt “save his marriage, if he wants to.”
Since your relationship with Curt seems confined to the volunteer activity you share, I suggest that you suspend your judgment about either of them.
— Write to Ask A
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Post by dex on Jun 14, 2019 8:17:52 GMT -5
Brother-in-law abused generosity CAROLYN HAX
Dear Carolyn,
My very generous and wealthy friends threw a dinner for me and my husband for our 10th wedding anniversary.
My brother-in-law ordered drinks that had to total in the hundreds, and two steaks, and he chose a bottle of wine that my friend who sat next to him later told me ran five figures.
Our friends didn’t balk at the check, but you could tell that they were surprised by the total.
I would like to address this with them and offer to pay toward my brother-in-law’s extravagance. My husband says they had to expect that sort of thing, and we’d just be embarrassing them.
Which of us is right?
— N
For your spouse to declare, more or less, that your friends had it coming because they chose to be extra generous has me clutching my pearls so hard I might rip them off — and use them to thwack him and his brother both.
When you’re directly or indirectly responsible for causing someone pain, you apologize. Call your friends and say you were horrified by your brother-in-law’s behavior, and offer to make them whole.
— Write to Carolyn Hax in care of The Providence Journal Features Department, 75 Fountain St., Providence, RI 02902, or email tellme@ washpost.com .
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