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Post by dex on May 14, 2019 16:18:17 GMT -5
Thought of the Day: " Deep inside the mind of every person hissing at KissCam, is a tortured sole longing to be kissed by the person sitting in the next seat" I Knew It I Knew It
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Post by dex on May 15, 2019 8:15:59 GMT -5
How to handle son-in-law’s come-on CAROLYN HAX
Dear Carolyn,
Recently my daughter and son-in-law were staying at my home. My husband was away. After an enjoyable evening out, we came home and had more wine. My daughter and their baby went to bed while my son-in-law and I stayed up chatting. At one point he said, “You look pretty cute, why don’t you come sit on my lap?” I was appalled. I went straight to my room and locked the door.
I am afraid to tell my daughter because of the new baby. I have seen my counselor and now feel an email asking for an apology might be the best way to proceed.
— Disgusted Grandma
I’m sorry he put you in this terrible position.
I don’t see it, though, as a hitting-on-his-mother-in-law problem. I see it as an alcohol problem.
Since that’s not only a serious health problem in itself, but also the trunk to a lot of problematic branches — risking his marriage, his child’s health, his career — that’s the better concern to articulate.
Tell your daughter you’ve been uncomfortable lately because of a recent incident, where her husband drank too much and said inappropriate things. Don’t share drunken words. Say you will address it with him directly if she would prefer.
Then send your email and let them handle it.
— Write to Carolyn Hax in care of The Providence Journal Features Department, 75 Fountain St., Providence, RI 02902, or email tellme@ washpost.com .
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Post by Free Weyinmi on May 15, 2019 14:34:10 GMT -5
How to handle son-in-law’s come-on CAROLYN HAX Dear Carolyn, Recently my daughter and son-in-law were staying at my home. My husband was away. After an enjoyable evening out, we came home and had more wine. My daughter and their baby went to bed while my son-in-law and I stayed up chatting. At one point he said, “You look pretty cute, why don’t you come sit on my lap?” I was appalled. I went straight to my room and locked the door. I am afraid to tell my daughter because of the new baby. I have seen my counselor and now feel an email asking for an apology might be the best way to proceed. — Disgusted Grandma I’m sorry he put you in this terrible position. I don’t see it, though, as a hitting-on-his-mother-in-law problem. I see it as an alcohol problem. Since that’s not only a serious health problem in itself, but also the trunk to a lot of problematic branches — risking his marriage, his child’s health, his career — that’s the better concern to articulate. Tell your daughter you’ve been uncomfortable lately because of a recent incident, where her husband drank too much and said inappropriate things. Don’t share drunken words. Say you will address it with him directly if she would prefer. Then send your email and let them handle it. — Write to Carolyn Hax in care of The Providence Journal Features Department, 75 Fountain St., Providence, RI 02902, or email tellme@ washpost.com . Due to similar embarrassing behavior [and even worse] I quit drinking [with help] in 1980.
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friar82
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Post by friar82 on May 15, 2019 14:49:26 GMT -5
Good stuff, Free.
Thought of the Day:
"...Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present"
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Post by dex on May 16, 2019 8:21:26 GMT -5
Grandparents’ priorities irk offspring Picture CAROLYN HAX
Dear Carolyn,
My parents are very active, in their mid-60s, and live a two-hour flight plus two-hour drive from me. They regularly travel internationally, see their nearby grandkids fairly frequently, and both have hobbies they’re very engaged in. But if I want my two toddlers to see them, I almost always have to go to them, taking time off from work, loading up all our gear, etc.
Whenever I ask my parents to come and visit us, they say they’re too busy with things like a cocktail party they’re planning or something else.
How do I let go of being angry and hurt over this? Do I drag my kids to them so we can actually spend time together? And if so, how do I not resent them and their choices?
— Accepting Grands
Please stop holding the space in your life for these imaginary attentive grandparents. You have parents and they are who they are, not who you think they will magically become in the presence of your children.
How do you want to handle visits? And don’t say, “In my own home with my parents visiting.” Choose only from the options available to you. You can make do without their company; or you can travel to see your parents and accept that they won’t reciprocate; or you can save your travel for touring interesting places. Just decide. Stop giving your power away.
— Write to Carolyn Hax in care of The Providence Journal Features Department, 75 Fountain St., Providence, RI 02902, or email tellme@ washpost.com
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Post by dex on May 17, 2019 7:37:32 GMT -5
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE Husband’s addiction leads to split
AMY DICKINSON
Dear Amy,
My husband of 25 years has an obsession with voyeur pornography.
He is addicted to websites that feature women filmed without their consent or knowledge; filmed with hidden cameras, etc.
I think this type of pornography is wrong on so many levels, and wonder how it can even be legal!
I am deeply hurt and am considering divorce. My husband keeps telling me he will stop, but he always goes back to the porn.
Any advice is appreciated.
— Wife Needing Advice
Filming and distributing this sort of material is likely illegal (states are in the process of enacting a variety of laws about this sort of voyeuristic filming and distribution).
This sort of cybercrime is labeled “revenge porn” in many states.
If your husband was an addict and wanted to recover from his addiction, he would seek professional help and work toward recovery. He’s not doing this.
I think you should stop “considering divorce” and go ahead and do it. Furthermore, if I were you, I would try to discover the source of these videos and make every effort to see these perpetrators punished to the fullest extent the law.
— Write to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068, or email askamy@ amydickinson.com .
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friar82
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Post by friar82 on May 17, 2019 18:05:52 GMT -5
Thoughts for Today:
"...If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back!"
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Post by johnnypc on May 18, 2019 8:53:18 GMT -5
Something my mother told me many years ago. So true.
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Post by dex on May 20, 2019 8:57:24 GMT -5
View on page I’m unsure if she’s the ‘one’ CAROLYN HAX
Dear Carolyn,
My girlfriend of three years, “Debbie,” wants us to get married and I asked for some time to decide. That time is running out. She’s 34 and I can understand why she wants to start a family.
The thing is, I’m not positive she’s the one. I always figured when the right woman came along, I would just know it. I love Debbie, she’s beautiful, kind and generous, but there’s still some nagging doubts — like that her sister and mom are both stay-at-home moms and even though Debbie says that’s not for her, will she expect that when she gets pregnant? I have no desire to be the sole wage-earner.
— The One?
I don’t mean to pile on; your letter just has no signs of intimacy between you and Debbie. Do you talk? Really talk — about feelings, fears, hopes, old aches, new epiphanies? Do you listen? Do you trust?
Can you list three things that make being with Debbie different from being with anyone else?
Can you recall how you feel between relationships? Have you felt happy alone? Can you summon the way you’ve felt in other relationships? Is there any difference among these various emotional states? Is the way you feel with Debbie the one you want to keep?
— Write to Carolyn Hax in care of The Providence Journal Features Department, 75 Fountain St., Providence, RI 02902, or email tellme@ washpost.com .
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friar82
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Post by friar82 on May 20, 2019 20:54:39 GMT -5
Given all the speculation taking place relative to Ed Cooley, I offer a thought for today:
"...Take a deep breath. It calms the mind"
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Post by dex on May 21, 2019 8:26:02 GMT -5
Dear Amy,
I recently ended a treasured friendship that I believed would last a lifetime.
While I got married and had a baby, my friend got divorced and bought her first place alone. The first thing she did was to begin inviting people she’d met over the internet into her home, dating married men, and seeming to lose all moral boundaries.
At first, I just decided not to bring my daughter to her house. Then, I decided that this is not the kind of person that I want to continue a relationship with.
I highlighted her dangerous behavior and she stated, repeatedly, that she does not worry about herself at all, and does not see how this behavior could affect my family.
I explained to her that we were at an impasse and I no longer want her in our lives. Still, I miss our previous friendship.
Have I made the right decision?
You’ve laid down nonnegotiables — about your friend’s morality, no less — and now you are experiencing the consequences of your choice. So is she. It is natural to miss any relationship that ends, even if you end it.
Some people go a little crazy when they find themselves single and living independently. They do dumb and sometimes imprudent or dangerous things.
If you had merely distanced yourself, rather than severing the relationship altogether, you might have had a slender relationship to return to, when (or if) she ever settled down.
— Write to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068, or email askamy@ amydickinson.com .
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friar82
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Post by friar82 on May 21, 2019 12:53:49 GMT -5
Thoughts for Today (In the wake of Ed's Announced Decision to Remain at Providence):
"...The grass may at first seem greener on the other side, but in the word's of Father Flannigan - 'don't mess with happy'..."
(Assist goes to drairf)
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Post by dex on May 22, 2019 7:48:06 GMT -5
Unhappy, scared about pregnancy CAROLYN HAX
Picture Dear Carolyn,
I just found out I’m pregnant and I’m not happy about it. I’m about to turn 40 and recently married my boyfriend of six years. We almost didn’t get married because he did not want to have kids and I was not prepared to say never.
After many conversations and one near breakup, he decided he’d rather be with me and would be open to having a child if it happened. Well, it’s happened, and all I feel is dread.
My husband says it’s up to me what I want to do.
I feel absolutely disgusting for putting him through this. I’m scared about logistics and finances but mostly that I’ll miss my current life. How can I make this decision?
— Ashamed
Your pregnancy was not immaculately conceived, was it? You are not “putting him through” this.
Call your OB-GYN’s office for names of pregnancy counselors. Since this topic has become repugnantly political, make sure you choose someone whose views align with your own; the last thing you need is cultural shame superimposed on your own.
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friar82
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Post by friar82 on May 22, 2019 18:47:49 GMT -5
With the swirl of concern regarding Dex's status hanging in the balance, I offer this "Thought for Today":
"...We decorate space with art, while we decorate time with music - and fresh content on the 'OT' Board!"
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Post by dex on May 23, 2019 7:56:28 GMT -5
Well said lad
I remember watching thru a one way mirror as the FTH Board Of Directors met in their HUGE Conference Room on the Penthouse Level of our Hi-Rise.
There must have been 12 or 15 Directors getting settled into their leather bound hi-Backs.
Got me thinking...never in the glorious history of the Republic has a greater array of intellectual prowess been seen in a single room since Thomas Jefferson dined alone.
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